When is too much?, Pt. 4 Definitely too much.

Yesterday, J1 (the seven year old) came over to play. My daughter is already starting to complain about how often they come over and how we never go over there anymore. “They just play with our stuff – not us.” she pouts.

Well, she may not have to worry about it anymore. While they were outside playing in the (fenced in) backyard unsupervised for a few minutes  they decided to start throwing landscaping rocks (the little tiny white ones) over the fence. What they didn’t know was that our neighbor keeps his spare tuck in his side yard which is on the other side of our fence. He was not at all happy and said so over the fence when I went back out to be with the kids.

Every single on of my kids got a lecture on not doing something bad just because someone else does it. (Fittingly, we had studied the story of Adam and Eve that morning – which led to an interesting dinner discussion when one asked what would have happened if Adam had told Eve that he was not going to share the fruit.) And every, single one of them got a time out (even the two year old) and J1 got sent home – AGAIN – this time I didn’t call his mom but sent him home with a note.

Dear J,

The children were caught throwing rocks over the fence. All of my children are in time-out so J has to come home,

Me

If calling her to come get her kids when they are disobeying caused the last to-do a note is probably infinitely worse.  Having someone tell you your kids are being bad is unpleasant and embarrassing but it is part of being a mom. I don’t understand why she can’t handle it. It happened to me – my kids were bad. Did I blame the neighbor?  No.  I addressed the behavior and when their time-out was over I marched them over there to apologize in person – that’s what normal people do.

all she is getting with her “non-stifling” nonsense is a family of kids who are the worst behaved on the cul-de-sac and who are getting increasingly too old for bad behavior to be overlooked.

P.S

None of the J’s came over today.

No, they’re not twins.

I knew it was coming – ever since I was pregnant with #3 people have warned me that kids only 16 months apart would be mistaken for twins. But I still don’t like it.

It has happened on and off since they were born. Actually, since I usual travel with four kids who were all born within three years people will occasionally ask if they are two sets of twins. And while I wonder what prompts people to comment about another person’s family I don’t really mind too much.

But this summer it seems wherever we go there is someone who thinks my boys are twins and its starting to get on my nerves. A) I don’t think they look any more alike than any other brothers, B) almost 4 year old and 2 1/2 year olds are in different worlds developmentally – you’d think it would show, and C) each of my guys is so special and unique as an individual that I don’t want them to be blobbed together as “the twins”. (this is why I am so glad I never had twins)

I wonder if mothers of real twins are driven crazy by people asking if they are twins or mistaking their kids for one another? Maybe you just get used to it.

Do they look like twins to you?

P.S. Sorry its cropped so tight, but I would hate for some mom to put pics of my kid online in a bathing suit so I cropped everyone else out.

When is too much?, Pt 3

This has gone well into the realm of too much.

Today when we got back from swim class guess who were waiting – yep, the J’s. The five and three year old were barefoot and the seven year old was wandering off considering crossing the street that is perpendicular to the cul-de-sac, as usual so when they asked if they could play I said sure but they had to go get shoes on first. Well, a few minutes later just the five year old came over – with shoes. But he said that we could not play at his house, only out in front of his house and that he could only play at our for a little while. – Ok

A little while later the seven year old came over looking for the five year old – he had to go. About a second later the horn honks. As it turns out the five year old was not supposed to go anywhere because he had a dr. appt. this morning. And the mother had gone to every house in the cul-de-sac knocking on doors looking for him.

I don’t know if I should start refusing to let them play over here at all – it has just gotten to crazy for me.

When Is Too Much? Pt. 2

For those of you who have read the first part I will skip to today (if you have no idea what I am talking about it is in the sidebar).

So about five days have passed since I called Mrs. J and so far they have not come over at all. Yesterday when we came home from shopping I saw a bunch of kids playing in the cul-de-sac and let my kids join them until dinner. The J’s were there playing with another neighbor’s kids, using all their stuff, and I am almost glad to say not listening one bit to M and M’s mother (well, at least its not just me).

Tonight we saw them again and they were invited to play over here for a little bit. Well, they said that they were not allowed to play at our house without asking their mother for permission first.

This bothers me for two reasons. One, I am now the bad guy. The issue isn’t that her kids are disobedient and disrespectful of adults its that I had a problem – even though I made it perfectly clear that they were more than welcome here if they wanted to do what they were asked. Two, since they have to ask permission now that means that they didn’t have to ask this whole time. They were just wandering across the street to go into someone else’s house without their mother even knowing where they were or how long they planned on being gone.

I guess its all for the best anyway – my kids are young and impressionable so I suppose its just as well that we will be on more casual terms with the J family from now on.

When is too much?

This is a problem that has been bothering me for days so I will share in hopes that someone will advise/sympathize.

We live in a very nice cul-de-sac with a homeschooling family right across the way and lots of kids the same age as my kids. There is one family (we’ll call them the J family since their names all begin with J) who my kids really like. There is J1 who is 71/2, J2 who is 5 1/2, J3 is 3, and J4 who is 1. We see them a lot when we play outside and since the weather has been warm we have been playing with them fairly regularly. We even started going over there to play about once a week.

Now, when we went over there I went with them – to walk them across the street and supervise the outside play. Mrs. J didn’t seem to mind a bit and even commented that she liked having friends for her kids and someone outside watching them in case of cars coming into the cul-de-sac.

Before too long it was our turn. The little J’s came over to our house to play. Great I thought and happily invited them in. I even declared a homeschool day off (if we do five days a week or four in the summer it really doesn’t matter to me a bit which days they are) so they could all play together. I made popcorn for a snack, set up a painting craft, let them watch my kids favorite show and then I invited them over for dinner making a vegetarian dinner to suit their eating lifestyle. It was a great day.

Then the next day they came over again. Again we played and they wanted popcorn so I made it again. And again they asked to stay for dinner so I agreed.

Then the next day they came over again. This time at 10:00 in the morning. When we returned from swim lessons they were at the door and again they stayed all day eating lunch, snack, and dinner with us. They practically demanded popcorn again but were refused. This day I had to do homeschool with my kids so they just played in the playroom.

Then the next day they came over again. This time interrupting quite time (my little guys 3 1/2 and 2 1/2 still need to rest in the middle of the day especially after swim class) by coming into the room and making noise. The attitudes of expectedness had been getting worse and worse. Isn’t there a point where if you come over every single day that you stop being special guests and start being a part of the group. The J boys even went with my boys to see their fathers 5-ton – their mother let them. In fact, she was asleep when we called over there and sent the three year old back across the street alone with a note saying that she had been asleep.

After about two weeks of seeing them all day every day we were really used to them coming over. My kids wanted to play with their things and not ours anymore (you can’t really play with any of your other friends if you already have people over). I was getting a little tired of the free babysitting I was doing because that is what I was starting to feel like at this point. But she is pregnant with J number 5 so I was more than willing to cut her a little slack.

But J1’s attitude was getting on my nerves – his mother may be his servant but I am not especially with seven kids under 8 in the house all day.

The last day they came over we had an incident. J1 and J2 were throwing sand. And as my usual M.O. since I wasn’t there and I had my daughter B telling me something that I didn’t see while they denied it I made everyone leave the activity, the sandbox in this case. They would not leave. They just stood there staring at me. I told them that in my house they have to do what I tell them to do. They still stood there. I told them I was going to have to call their mother. That had no effect either so I did. I got their father on the phone (that’s right readers, both parents were home and three out of four J’s were still sent to my house at 10 am). I said to them that their father was coming to get them. This statement alone would have gotten my kids to change their attitudes and fast but not them they just continued playing.

Fifteen minutes later when their mother arrived I told her that with this many kids in the house they have to do what I ask them to or chaos will break out. She agree. She rounded up her kids and took them home giving them a very mild lecture on the way.

They haven’t been back since. I have been thinking about this for the two days since it happened. I wonder if I was justified in sending them home. I wonder if I have severed the relationship with a family that my kids like playing with. I wonder if I should go over there and make some kind of peace. I wonder if they will come over again. I wonder if they understood that they are welcome as long as they follow the same rules as the kids live here.

Any thoughts out there?